Park Date With My Littles

Today I am taking my kids to the Mandarach Park by my home and I will use this time to get my run in while they play. I love this park. It is fenced in and with my kids getting older it makes it possible for me to cut them free in the fenced in area while I get some miles in going around the track that circles it. Today should be a good day! Miles and Memories

SEVEN!

I ran seven miles today.

SEVEN FREAKING MILES.

Good Golly Miss Molly. 

Donate to Rehabilitate. Click Here. 

It's not what you say, it's what you do that counts.

People are nosey

NOT INTERESTED.

NOT INVOLVED.

JUST NOSEY.

GET YOUR NOSE OUT 

UNLESS YOU'LL 

GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY.

I'm feeling discouraged. I expected more people to care.

Where the hell are you?

What if it were your mom? Click here.

Running Is My New Religion.

“We are addicted to our thoughts. 

We cannot change anything 

if we cannot change our thinking.” 

I ran 3.69 today. I just wasn't feeling it.
Some days I am feeling it...
some days I feel like I am meeting this idea for the very first time.
Today we were strangers. Tomorrow we will be acquaintances. Soon, we will be friends.
And before you know it, we will have a bad day together and think we are enemies so we will take a day apart. But we will keep pushing.

The reunion will be quiet and casual. It will begin the cycle again. Because not every day is a day for wearing a cape. And just like with any relationship, we have to be able to understand that there will be bad days that help create the big picture. It's just a matter of getting through them and keeping on the right track. You don't have to go above and beyond every day. You just have to remember to maintain. Forward Motion. Keep Pushing.

An addict has a relationship with their drug. Just the same way I have a relationship with my attempt to breed change here. If your friend were in an unhealthy relationship that prevented them from leading a happy and fulfilling life, you would likely offer to do whatever you could to get them away from the person that drained the life out of them or held them back. You would invite them out, offer them your spare bedroom if need be, talk to them on the phone at all hours of the night and remind them that they were better than that relationship. If we could apply that compassion and understanding for our friends with addiction, we could change things. Envision the drug as the bad partner... and support your friends, family, neighbors, whoever as they attempt to break up. Remember how hard it was to walk away from your love at one point and sympathize. Walk a block in their shoes while you carry some of their weight on your back. Because you are strong enough to do that for someone and you will never regret it. KEEP PUSHING.

Everything is relative.  

Keep Pushing. 

https://fundly.com/road-2-recovery-run 

Truth Be Told

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with life at the moment. There are ten dozen things happening at once and they are all new to me. I need to enroll my kids into school in my town now that they are staying with me again, I need to get myself situated for college and my classes start in just over 2 weeks, I am in training for a great new serving job with menu tests that are causing my face to break out from stress and flashcard sessions. We are broke until I start making money with my new job and my phone just decided to stop working properly which means that I can't trust my pandora or my run tracker to do it's job. Explaining why you'll see my last run says I ran 0 miles in 0 minutes. Fantastic. I can't seem to find the time to focus on any one thing so I've given a petty 10% across the board.

Like an addict, I am dealing with an immense amount of change. My head is spinning. So, for those of you interested in tracking my progress, I apologize for my lack of updating this last few days. I have done an every other day run it seems. I decided that come Monday I need to get back to the proper schedule so I can get up my endurance. I need to find a way to make the time for everything
.

It's hard to give yourself to anything. To anyone. You really never know if the outcome will be what you had daydreamed about and to cut the bullshit, it rarely is all that you work it up to be in your mind. But, it doesn't make it any less worthwhile. It doesn't make it any less a part of your progress. It doesn't make it any less a part of you. So, the reality behind our decision to dedicate ourselves to something different doesn't have to be perfect... it simply has to be something we can rest our heads on at night.

Recovery is a decision you can rest your head on at night. Guilt free. Recovery can become as contagious as addiction if you give yourself to it. It will not disappoint you. It will not start seeing someone else and begin screening your calls. It will not break your heart. It will become a part of you and you will be that much closer to whole.

If you are reading this and you are fighting a battle with your daydreams... know that I will be running for YOU tonight. Because you are what I am giving myself to right now and you are worth every drop of sweat, ache, and pain. And because I know you are going to do this beside me.

My moms birthday is coming up. On the 17th. Coincidentally, it is also when we are throwing a joint birthday party for both of my sons. It will also be a day that I run with my whole heart. I will run for you and for her on that day. Because I can't give her a gift. Because I can't share the first day of her 51st year of being incredible with her. Because she was too afraid to give herself to recovery and people around her were too afraid to motivate her. August is a sad month.

In other news, the butterfly I posted pictures of is one that I bumped into on my run yesterday morning. Life is beautiful. I complain more than I should and forget too often to mention the butterflies and the honeysuckles and little children and cool breezes.
Life is fucking great when you're actually living it. Seriously!

Can you donate to this cause? C'mon. I have one funder so far. That's sad. If a few people will push a few dollars into this, then a few more will follow and we will end up with a worthy donation in no time. That donation could be the difference between life and death for someone. Contagious.

CLICK HERE & DONATE, BUTTHEAD.  

 In the United States alone an estimated 

20 million people 12 years of age or older use drugs.

Your donation will help at least one of them. It's a start. 

FIVE

FIVE.

my new favorite 4-letter F word.

Well, here it is. My first five mile run. I started out saying I was hoping to make it to 3 miles. And once I reached that I talked myself into 4. Once I reached 4 miles I asked myself what the hell the difference was really, between 4 and 5. I realized that there wasn't much of a difference. I was already running, I was already tired, I was already soaked in sweat. I may as well keep on keeping on.

And so that's what I did. Five miles. If you had asked me just two weeks ago if I could run a mile I would have scratched my head and said that the possibility existed only if I were being chased. And now here I am. Looking for myself. And I'm finding that with every mailbox I push myself up to and then pass along a street...  the hardest part of this is really just believing that I am in control of how far I get.

"I have the key in my hand, all I have to find is the lock.

NOW LISTEN TO ME, ALL OF YOU"

Whatever will be, will be. And we are all IN CONTROL. We can change things. We can do things! For ourselves and for each other. WE CAN! If I can, YOU CAN. What is a dollar donated to a rebab? What is a mile dedicated to change? It's just a little bit more than what you're doing already. 

I woke up to this message this morning.

"Hey. I just stopped drinkin n smoking two days ago.. 

ur part of my inspiration.. 

i would love to run with u or workout if u want..

i think u can help keep me motivated...

 if not its cool im gona still try n make it"

HE WOKE UP, ALSO.

This is why. DAMNIT, THIS IS WHY! This is why I know we CAN! I will be thinking of this message and the man that wrote it when I run tonight. I have talked to so many people lately. They have told me of their struggles & their successes. I'm overjoyed by people's willingness to change. I'm changing alongside each and every one of you willing to see this for what it is. 

 

addiction

 

ad·dic·tion

[uh-dik-shuhn] Show IPA

noun

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

 _________

DONATE TO REHABILITATE. click here. 

Because honestly, what is a dollar? PUSH FOR CHANGE WITH ME. 

 

Short on Time

I don't have much time to tell you of my travels at this moment. I am currently eating cold spaghetti, trying to bribe my children to get dressed, and questioning if I did in fact remember to put on deodorant today before I leave to get to work by 4:30.

I ran today. But I did not do it wisely. I planned on waking up early to go out before it got hot but it was a lot harder than I'd imagined to get out of bed. I ended up trying to get my miles in the middle of the day. It was so hot outside that I could feel the sweat dripping down my body after the first 5 minutes. It was brutal. I made it just over 2 miles before finding a nice green yard to throw up in. Then I decided to walk my sorry ass back home.

I did not follow my plan. I did not fit my mission into my life the way I needed to. And therefor I did not accomplish what I set out to. It is important to remember the reasons why we do things. Be it waking up early to run, or taking a bus to reach an NA/AA meeting. We need to remember why it is important to us and then we need to follow through.

Today I was reminded that I need to manage my day around my goals. School, family, kids, work, and this. Which means that if I have to sacrifice or change some minor details to make it possible for the big picture to come together... that's what I need to do.

I'm glad I was given the chance to learn this today. But, throwing up outside and then using your shirt to wipe your mouth before the walk of shame home was no fun.

It's not about how many times I fall. It's about how many times I get back up. (and in this case, how EARLY I'm willing to get up too, lol)

Tomorrow is a new day. It always is <3